I was trying to figure out my emotional state, and I think that I’m “So very self-conscious on Mondays,” for some reason. Well actually, a lot of the time I’ll have this underlying feeling of self-consciousness, like everyone is looking at me. When in reality, I think: This is just some kind of a psychological mind game I play on myself. But what is the point of making one’s self feel this way? It is not a very good feeling to have, so what is the reason that I feel this way? And writing about this feeling only seems to make it worse.
Confronting one’s emotions can be a very difficult process indeed…For me, it usually leaves me feeling like: Why did I even bring this up? But I guess? It has something to do with finding out who you really are, a question, that seems to have a different answer depending on one’s mood, or state of mind, at any given moment. It’s no secret that I’ve used writing as therapy, but I still wonder why I continue to say such things. The answer which comes to mind Is to find out who I really am, but I keep avoiding my findings.
It is not enough for me to just write about the weather, or some other trivial matter, No! I’ve got to really dig in to my mind and write it down. And maybe that is why there is this great feeling of being self-conscious, but really: What does anyone else even care? There in lies my dilemma, with writing every day, and finding out who I really am? Now is this anything to really feel all that self-conscious about? I Don’t think so!
Thanks for Listening,